Dear Diary

The following are excerpts from my diary when I was 13 years old. Some of this is pretty embarrassing, but I thought it was too silly and ridiculous to not share with you guys. I really thought I was smarter at that age than it seems. Damn it... I'm probably not as smart as I think I am now... Damn it!

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Warning on the front of the diary - 

"Dear Readers,

If any friend or relative reads this I will NEVER FORGIVE YOU!!! (Unless you have my permission).

Sincerely,

Me (Denise)"

July 1st

"Dear Diary,

Today was really boring."

July 9th

"Dear Diary,

I am really bored."

July 11th

"Dear Diary,

Today the only interesting thing that happened was I talked to my friends. I sat on my porch with Ali, Thomas and Steven. I don't think Steven likes his girlfriend anymore. I think he likes me, and I like him. He asked me to go to the movies with him tomorrow."

July 12th

"Dear Diary,

Me and Steven didn't go to the movies. Instead we talked for hours on my porch. I really like him. He said he is going to dump his girlfriend. I don't blame him, he said she has no personality"

July 20th

"Dear Diary,

I don't like Steven anymore. Today my dad took me, Mary and my brother to six flags. It was a lot of fun. A lot more fun than when I went to six flags with Irina. She's a bitch."

September 12th

"Dear Diary, 

Wow! I went to three concerts! I went to a Celine Dion concert (it was great!) I went to TWO Backstreet Boy concerts! Isn't that great? Mary took me to one and bought me a poster. I went to the other one with my family upstate. Mary took 107 pictures of the concert. She is making doubles and giving them to me."

September 28th

"Dear Diary,

I have been writing songs for the band me and Mary put together. Last Saturday we went to Cara's birthday party and met this girl Jenna. She can really sing! We're gonna let her join the band. We're thinking about calling ourselves "Generation Girlz". We have to make a schedule for practicing and we have to make a demo. 

I also like Mike L. now.

P.S. Mary's Backstreet Boy pictures came out great!"

October 10th

"Dear Diary,

I don't like Mike L. anymore. I like this guy Jack. He's soooooooo funny. But he's short. Oh well."

October 30th

"Dear Diary,

I'm going out with this guy Josh. That's great but I'm punished and confined to my room for the rest of my life. Tomorrow is Mara's party (Josh will be there) but I can't go. This sux!"

Dec 1st,

"Dear Diary,

That's it. It's over. Yep, that's right. Me and Josh, over. He doesn't like me anymore. He sent Mara to dump me (ouch). This really sux cuz next week is my party. Josh is still coming. I still like him :("

Dec 9th,

"Dear Diary,

My party was pretty fun. It had downsides and very upsides. At first Josh was hanging out with Ariel a lot. They were sitting together and everything. But in the end of the party Josh told me he still likes me and we kissed! It was great, but then Ariel ran away crying. I went to go apologize and comfort her. But I'm still happy about Josh. I'm going to hangout with him in Rockaway tomorrow"

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Okay. That is all I will expose you to. I think you get the idea. I was basically retarded. Or at least somewhat challenged. And apparently a complete hobag.

I Love You L.A. ... You Sexy Bitch

Home sweet home. The land of pollution, overcrowdedness, and rude people. Los Angeles. Or New York. That sentence fits both places and both places I consider home. And after this road trip, I decided those are the only two places in America that I will ever live in. No offense other cities, you're cool and all, but I think we both know it wouldn't work out.

The Results:

Longest Drive - Oregon to Idaho
Shortest Drive - Phoenix to LA (purposely planned)

Best Food - New Orleans
Worse Food - Kansas City

Best Scenery - California and Virginia (because of the fall trees)
Worst Scenery - New Mexico

Met the most random people in - Georgia
Kept to myself the most in - Texas

Most Religious - Salt Lake City
The Opposite - New Orleans

Worst Drivers - Georgia and Florida
Best Drivers - Most of the middle states were filled with courteous drivers.

Sexiest People - Denver
Um... Most Unique Looking People - South Carolina

Best Stop Overall - New Orleans
Worst Stop Overall - South Carolina

Hosts:

JoshSource (San Francisco) - Best hair cut! And best gossip talks :)

CameronM82 (Oregon) - Coldest house! Best hippie breakfast place. Mmm organic apple juice.

ShayCarl & Katilette (Idaho) - Coziest setup. Also, best kids! And best workout (Katilette kicked my butt).

BrettTheIntern (Illinois) - Sexiest Frat house!

My friend Melissa (Michigan) - Cutest pet :) and best sharing of memories.

RyanShw (Virginia/Washington, D.C.) - Best tour guide!

My friend Stephanie (Florida) - Hottest house of lesbians!

And that's all I have to say for now.

I'm Not Insane... I Only Murdered ONE Person!

Aim convo with my friend...

Jarrett: Hey, are you still on your road trip?

Me: Yeah, but I go home tomorrow. I'm glad, I'm done with this trip now. It's been a month now.

Jarrett: That's a long time. You miss being home?

Me: Yeah I've been ready to go home the past 2 days.
I miss my apartment, my cat and my friends.

Jarrett: Wait... I thought you were with friends on this trip?

Me: No, I went alone. And I'm glad I did.

Jarrett: Oh shit that's brutal! All alone?

Me: Mhmm.

Jarrett: At this point you might be insane and I don't even know it!

Me: :::shifty eyes:::

So Here I Am

Current Location: Texas, somewhere between Houston and San Antonio ... I forgot the name of this town and I'm too lazy to get up and look at the stationary. Deal with it.

WARNING: Prepare yourself for an emo blog!

Well, not too emo... I don't think I'm capable. Gah I hate that word... emo... makes me cringe.

So...

It's 3:20am my time... well not MY time... Texas time. This time belongs to Texas. Not me. My time is 2:20am.

Anyway.

I'm laying here in bed and just staring at the ceiling. A million thoughts run through my mind. I can't fall asleep. Probably because every time I close my eyes I see streets and headlights coming at me and I jump up in a cold sweat because I feel like I fell asleep behind the wheel. Well, that's only part of the reasoning.

The entire day I've been feeling anxious and couldn't put my finger on the reason.

Was it because of the super creepy haunted tour I took of New Orleans? No... that was AWESOME! Even though it gave me nightmares... yes, yes I'm a child.

Was it because I've been pretty much completely alone for the past 3 days in a row and will continue to be alone for the next few days? Nah, being alone is fine by me.

Was it because the 7+ hrs of driving a day, forcing me to have withdrawals from my serious internet addiction? No, I don't think so... but I wouldn't doubt that it contributed.

It's because I realize my trip is coming to an end. I will be home by Friday, if not earlier. While I'm happy to be returning home to my own bed, my friends and my cat... I feel a deep sense of disappointment.

I'm not disappointed in the trip or even in the conclusion of the trip, but I'm disappointed in myself and my behavior on this trip.

Initially this trip was intended to be a "writers journey". I have not written one fucking thing.

Wait, no... I wrote YouTube videos.

I love YouTube and I love making videos. But honestly, this wasn't supposed to be a "YouTube Tour". That's what it turned into. I let it become that.

Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed meeting fellow YouTubers and making videos along the way... but where was my head!? Surely I could've found SOME time to dedicate to writing.

For God sakes, I barely even wrote in my stupid friggen blog!

I feel like a fucking moron.

The only thing that keeps me from seeing myself as a complete fail is the fact that I still have all the inspiration in me. I held onto everything I've taken in on this trip. I don't know if that makes sense to everyone that's reading this... but it only matters that it makes sense to me.

So... in order to ease my anxiety and help me feel a bit better about myself, I decided that as soon as I get back to LA I'm taking a whole week off from the internet. That means no checking mail, twitter, myspace, youtube, facebook, yatti yatti yatta.

I'm also forbidding myself from writing, shooting and editing videos for YouTube.

I'm not even going to talk to people I know from the internet on the phone. This is to insure that I won't be tempted to sign on to see something that "I just HAVE to see".

This might seem simple enough to the ordinary human being... but to me, and many people I know, this is going to be DIFFICULT.

I need to do this. I will use that week to clear my mind and get my priorities straight.

Don't miss me too much! Ha... you won't even notice :P